Life has a way of unexpectedly pulling the rug from under your feet.Till this happened 2 me,I always thought these are the kind of things that happen to other people.These are the kind of things that happen in Bollywood movies.These are the kind of things that I read about and heard about.It can never happen to me...
Yet it did.Healthy people don't drop down dead for no reason.
But 19th Nov'2009 was not a usual day.Well to start off with the day started as usual it was a Friday.We all started off with our daily chores as usual,ignorant & unaware of something that was happening in another part of the same city.Something that would shatter my confidence & completely change my outlook towards life.
Though it was a usual day something was amiss.MOM n ME had done with the evening Puja that suddenly I got a call from my brother saying that my sister was dead.
I was in a daze.I dunno what hit me.I think when something like this happens,we go into a denial mode to cope.My dad had been to her place the night before.There were some tensions in her family but she committing SUICIDE(burning herself to death)was not something that was acceptable to anyone in my family.This could not be true,this could not just be happening.
My Mom I knew instinctively would not be able to bear this brunt.It was too difficult for me to control the impact of the news I had just heard & also at the same time to break it to my Mom.It was my aunt who came to our house at around 8:30pm and broke the news to her.Her reaction as expected was a very violent one,actually it was that of complete pain,anger,denial as none of us were ready to accept the fact that my sister would commit suicide and that her in laws were responsible for it.I was stoic and tried my level best to comfort her.
The cremation ceremony was supposed to happen at her in laws place.Incidences of that day are still very fresh in my mind.My moms state broke me down completely.For days I could not sleep.Each day when I woke up,the first thought that occurred to me was my sister was no more- & first concern was hers kids safety who were with her in laws.
People dunno how to respond when someone talks about death.There is usually an uncomfortable silence.There was a shattering discovery that I had made,the people we call as family and relatives were just so casual about something drastic that had happened to me and my parents.I realized the true side of life.I realized in the true sense who really cared and who just carry masks and realized NOT EVERYONE WHO LAUGHS WITH YOU IS A FRIEND,FAMILY OR RELATIVE...
I remember I got completely numb after this incident.I became a complete pessimist,I even lost my appetite,I even went till the extent of getting so scared that I used to not move out from one room to other without my mom along with me.Little by little people stopped visiting and I,my brother any my parents were left with our grief.
LAUGH AND OTHERS LAUGH WITH YOU CRY AND U CRY ALONE.I was rapidly discovering that dis idiom is indeed true.I knew that under these circumstances it was me who should have taken care of my parents but it was the other way round.I was unable to cope up with this incident when my Mom pushed me to take up a job.Soon after I took up a job which consumed my entire time and mental energy.
I started getting used to the routine again though these things can never escape your memories how much one tries.I was now limping back to life.I realized how fragile life could be and we really have to live life without regrets.I realized the value of being healthy- & the value of having one more day to live